"Metaphysical" love story? I only like the old-fashioned type: using secretly taken pictures to blackmailing her into dating you, and then she falls in love with you.

*pours powder into gun, loads bullet, uses ramrod to push bullet back, primes rifle, cocks gun*

Yes.  I can hear it now in my head, amidst all the other voices clamoring.

*frantically trying to strikethrough the word 'developing' after watching telenovelas on Univision*

My favorite review of any form of media ever was when Oderus Urungus said about the "Tour De Scum" video: "It's so wet that you'll have to wring out your VCR when you're finished watching it." 

Man, I knew I should have taken off work to go to that show. 

"That could have happened to anyone soliciting prostitution!"

Those were not his fault!

*sniffs crown*

Witty caption after witty caption and you leave a big piece of cake there just hanging.  Too easy now?

Frequently ran on the Disney Channel in the 80s. It's probably one of the movies I've seen most as a kid, but I haven't seen it since I knew who Robert Altman was

I want your skull
I need your skull

Real-time re-enactment of everything that has happened in that tree's life from the moment it was a seedling to 300 years later when it kills a beloved Hollywood boob.  You will be sealed inside, and only your ancestors will be able to see the ending, assuming we don't discover any ways to arrest aging before your…

They sound like pretty cool cats.

The girl covered in blood shall serve as a beard.

How did this get, as of 3:11 PM CST, 13 likes?? Seriously, people.  You need to be more judicious with your 'like' use. There's not an unlimited supply!  Someone claiming to be from the AV Club told me I need to pay $.25 per 'like', and I get billed monthly, directly from my checking account. You must all be…

Don't yank! He's not finished!!

There's one meat your mom will never cut out:

It's The Toy, but she's a girl, so you need to change the ending.

The "Lost" method, or, as every other country in the world calls it, "The End To Every Single TV series"  method.  We are way behind the rest of the developing world in the ability to tell a story concisely and ending it properly.