Dang, doesn't she look GOOOOOD? I didn't look that good at 18, and signs are indicating that I won't at 55, either.

"American Horror Story broke Todd again."

Not so much oversharing as inappropriately-interested-in-fellow-commenters questions:

*panics at the thought of contact with another human*

Awww, thank you. It still might fall through, but at least it will just be because I'm a bad credit risk, and not for reasons that aren't my own fault.

Basically, anything with sugar is a no-no: bacteria thrive on it, and yes, there are bacteria around in there. Yeast infections - well, think about how beer is made. What do you feed yeast?

I typically watch about 1.5 to 2 minutes of any given clip before I'm hunting for something better, finally giving up after about 15-20 minutes, tops.

Bow-chicka-bow-bow!

What kind of pricing are we talking about? I'm asking for a friend.

You DO know that I work in a diesel shop, right?

Are you sure it wasn't "Hooker With a Heart of Gold"?

Bring on the cannibal sex!

Well, I am not rending my garments or anything over those unwise liasons. It's more like, some of them were pointless and unmemorable and might as well not have happened.

Hey, how goes "Persia's Adventures in Grocery Store Flirtation"? Are we ready for a second act yet?

That's right, screw that namby-pamby sissy shit. BLACK & DECKER OR GTFO.

Good news about my previous oversharing - I got an extension on my house purchase contract until the end of December. I'm no longer taking Ativan by the handful (for now).

Well, maybe I am morally bankrupt, but whenever something like that happens to me (as long as it's not, like, something expensive or marked with the person's name) I just figure it was put there for the specific purpose of me using it.

The AV Club Makes a Porno

Your first wife? Just, ah….just how many wives do you have, anyway?

"It made me want to produce my own porn."