Woahhh there, calm down.
Are you okay?
Would you like some tea?
To answer at least one of your hundred questions, I think you actually can generally tell what position a gay guy would be.
It's not 100% accurate and I'm sure noone meant to cause you the distress you seem to be going through, but out of Blaine and Kurt……

Dayummmm, check out the blank stare on THAT!

It's a really okay film, yeah.
Made me read the book it's verrrrrry loosely based on after, which is pretty fantastic.

She really doesn't look too bad, apart from her monster mouth.
Her face still moves, so that's something.