Isn't that what podcasts are for?

That happens to me like three times a week.

She's a heart breaker, ball crusher,
Cruel baker run this prison like a man.
Heart breaker, ball crusher,
Shoe-maker, won't you cut my shoes for free?
Ball crusher, Brubaker…

[hits fart button]

I mean, starting your meth snorting at 4:30 AM is going to take a serious toll on anybody.

ALSO THE PERFECT EXAMPLE OF THE AYRAN RACE, BORN TO LEAD WHITE PEOPLE BACK TO THEIR MANIFEST DESTINY AS RULERS OF EARTH.

Hey, that's not the bra inspector!

Both of them??

That does seem like the best way to go about it. Unfortunately, HR doesn't seem to agree.

Well, everyone knows Taylor Swift is stoppable. What this Newswire presupposes is… maybe she isn't?

My plan to become a millionaire:

That's ridiculous. Todd VanDerWerff doesn't have any money.

Isn't the whole purpose of Kickstarter to pay way too much money for disappointment? It's so easy to be disappointed for free, but I guess some people just gotta pay for it.

1. Bazinga
2. Ba-zinga
3. Bzinga
4. List writer commits ritual suicide

No, fans cool.

Tell that guy with the Neutral avatar's wife "hello."

People are so fucking stupid.

Among the many creepy things about that is the way one kid qualifies her "we're allowed to leave" statement with "if we really, really, really want to." She knows that's it's not enough to just want to.

Oh relax kids, I've got a furry feeling that Cookie_Monster's around here somewhere. After all isn't there a little Cookie_Monster enveloping all of us? In fact, you might even say we just slaughtered Cookie_Monster, and he's in our clothing right now! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!… Wait, scratch that one.

Hmmmm… that's odd. Usually the urine gets off on the second floor.