I don't think a constitution counts if it's written in ketchup.

*Petition ignored. CIA assassinates Burger King, installs Mayor McCheese as successor.*

It's time for the Burger King to abdicate his throne.

Make our internet jobs great again

B-E-S-U-R-E-T-O-D-R-I-N-K-Y-O-U-R-R-O-U-N-D-T-I-N-E

I like eating fresh seaweed. Dehydrated seaweed is like a mouth full of celluloid.

It may have just hit bottom, but that bottom was squeaky clean.

I didn't mean to say that Olbermann was better at countering O'Reilly than Stewart. The opposite, actually. I just meant that Olbermann was more the O'Reilly of the left.

I think in Colorado, she's got to play for the middle, not the far left.

Wouldn't the opposite of McMullin, but also not Trump be Johnson?

Keith Olbermann was way more of an Anti-O'Reilly in the mid-aughts than Stewart ever was. Stewart always insisted he was a comedian first because if he claimed to be a news presenter first, half the comedy in what he was doing would be lost. For example, the ironic self-importance of The Rumble in the…

I don't eat donut holes for my health.

On the other other hand, Neil Young, Tim Bits, and the only place that will have winter in 50 years.

You should see a doctor about that "yellow hat"

Thanks!

These links don't go anywhere. How will I read Ben Weasel's screeches?

And appear to like Johnson.

Yesterday, I recommended that my parents mount our low-hanging ceiling fan on the wall so it stuck out like an airplane prop. People seem hesitant to steal my ideas.

With all the damn waterparks and casinos they are putting up, the Poconos one would just be chlorine and burning money.

Scrapple and whiz