"This is nice. But could it be more beige?"

"Marco."

"No. Over there. Look where I'm pointing not where I'm looking."

I never in my life thought you people would so staunchly defend the fact that you post unfunny comments on these message boards.

"…don't you mean, 'Whom farted?'"

Looks like someone tried to strangle half-defrosted tube of frozen turkey.

Two oily eels wrestling inside a wool toboggan.

I prefer 8===B

Avatar 2: Oceans Bold as Love

You messed up, Kielbasa. The alligator eats the bigger number.

When Colin Quinn had that Tough Crowd show, I really enjoyed it. I don't really stand behind it as a defensible position, but I enjoyed the heck out of that show. I liked its loose, conversational, comedians cracking on each other tone.

Guy Fieri came to my hometown to film an episode of his Food Network show. I'm glad I didn't spot him because if I did I would have never stopped punching him.

I'm confused. Is that issue addressed in Muppets from Space?

I don't think you and your husband are my friends, Citizen Christy. But you guys can be my friends if you want to be.

Two of my friends met in a college newspaper office. They're married now. I'm reasonably certain they've had sex.

I'm so mad.

Wait. There was a Lost Boys 2?

Fuck Mello Yello. I drink Surge.

I remember specifically when I developed and interest in "Hey, Dude!" and realized that I'd crossed onto some sort of new developmental plateau. It was a strange new world to match my strange new body hair.

When I was a teenager, all we had was AOL 2.7 and the movie reviews at AOL Keyword: Movies. There were no comment sections. Just message boards. And they were stored in a seperate area! Marketers had to cruise our individual profiles for valuable information about our spending habits. And there was no re-tweeting!