I genuinely don't care…but I'm going to post two dozen or so comments about how dumb and hypocritical they are and how stupid this all is. But I definitely don't care.

I don't think Wu could pull off "Asian" as effortlessly as Stone, though.

I don't understand the reference, and I won't respond to it

Sorry. The correct answer was "Not with that attitude!"

That's your solution for everything. Well it's not going to happen!

Having somehow never heard of this before, I have to say the fact that it's called Cop Rock is by far the best thing about this absurdity. Like, that's Police Cops-levels of lazy/hacky.

"But I went to Harvard theatre school!"

Would you categorize this letter as more or less disturbing than a Woody Allen interview?

Are you my stride mother?

You joke, but tell me that wouldn't be infinitely more interesting than whatever Madonna ends up doing…

99.9% of all living musicians?

In Soviet Russia, U jack off Prince!

As a kid I was such a huge Beakman fan I even had the Beakman board game. Not getting cable, I had no idea who this Bill Nye joker was until I was much older, and I feel pity for those children who were getting their science education from that bow tie-wearing doofus when Beakman was right there the whole time!

Exactly. That's why smart buyers always get a used dildo in last year's model — it'll give you the same orgasm, but for a fraction of the cost.

Did you know that "confirmation bias" is really a term about how you have to hide your coming out struggle so well the majority of people can't even tell that's what you're talking about?

"Spoiler alert: Frozen was a metaphor for a closeted person learning to love herself and your children adored it."

Though if I remember correctly, didn't they kinda own that this year? I remember the announcers pitching some hashtag or something about how TruTV is an actual tv station.

This man never hated pants in his life!

A) David Bowie repeatedly committed statutory rape
B) Prince did not

That's the problem! If this movie had more anthropomorphic apes and the hero finds out it was earth all along, it would be doing gangbusters at the box office!