A turkey is a bad person

No, the problem is that Jennifer used to rock and roll all night, while also partying ev-e-ry day. But as time went on, soon it was every other day. Now she's lucky if she can find a half hour a week in which to get funky.

I have a court order that very clearly specifies I can't participate in any group hugs, virtual or IRL. But I do appreciate the gesture.

Yeah, but I'm not gonna lie — knowing the person responsible for that was the same person responsible for the Bo Knows commercials is a genuinely enjoyable factoid to know. Oh the people I will annoy at parties with this one!

I'll have you note that the "cola wars" are specifically what Billy Joel cites as when he "can't take it anymore."

Huh, I read it the exact opposite way. To me, it seemed like after his disastrous and heartbreaking failure with the radio, combined with the Lou Reed, I thought we were to believe he was flooding the station with nitrous to off himself. Either way, though, pretty fucking bleak and moving from a weekly half-hour…

But there's only three of us and both of you have…

This fog is so thick, I can't see past my own cataracts!

Also: the visual gag of Homer gently placing the one passed-out agent's hand on the other's butt. It's such a lazy and juvenile gag, but it makes me laugh every time.

The Dissolve
I’m gonna write the best darn article… Oh, right.

I have to say, as someone who used to work on a chicken farm, I feel no moral compunction about eating chickens. Hell, I would feel nothing morally wrong about killing them for amusement purposes. The point is, chicken are vile, murderous creatures that deserve the most painful death possible.

I have to disagree. Right now, the targeted ad on this page is informing me I might be surprised at how quickly a broken pelvis can recover on its own. While I don't have the time or space for getting into the specifics of my very niche fetishes, I can tell you they've clearly done their research.

To much pie, that's yer problem

Hey, he's bringing something substantial an adding something to the conversation!

The fact that Teti has not yet answered this, by far the most important query, is certainly a troubling sign. Your silence speaks volumes Teti!

But I've got so many vaguely-related Simpsons quotes to shoe-horn in!

Wow, they're really sticking it to this "Zune" guy. He must work there or something.

I'm too late to make that joke!

You actually have to read the comments section backwards to really get it, man.

"And by the way, for all the kids watching at home, BB-8 just is male. That's it, that's what he is."
-Megyn Kelly