The discovery of hardcore Sornography changed my life.

Look, I like to masturbate in a closed room while people are waiting for pie to cool! Okay? Now, this isn't about your weird, kinky sex thing. This is about our want to have a baby!

I suggest Rasputin.

I certainly hope you're right, Bear Fan, but in the meantime be mindful that you look like the ignorant ass in the room when you state that a team might have difficulties in preseason that carry over to the regular season, a whopping four weeks away. Is that unthinkable, even though there are examples of both sides?

…all right, but be quick.

I liked him better before he sold out to the man, back when he was Keenan Ebony Wayans.

You clearly haven't met Angie.

No, but thanks.

Well, I'll be pulling for the Eagles if it means keeping the Cowgirls on the outside looking in, come January.

I thought those pillowcases smelled a bit coppery.

Happy day, Jorge.

Harbinger, I cannot tell you how much I'm looking forward to the scapegoating this December when Romo and the Cowgirls fuck it all away again.

Not to mention Coors.

Oh, bad timing, you got me again.
I guess we'll never know how Joyce DeWitt would have fared against this field.

Due to a clerical error, EA regrets to inform consumers that the inclusion of Tito Puente's enormous sack is not the result of hacking by an outside party, but was included as part of the game's origin code. However, we invite you to send in your homemade videos to show how you used this unexpected inclusion to jazz…

Ah, but you have inherited the blight of Rex Grossman. As a diehard Bears fanatic, I can tell you that it will not end well.

NFL Blitz is responsible for one of the funniest gaming moments of my life.

It was a sweetheart deal with Jergens, to drive up hand-lotion sales among folks who've never heard of porn, or anti-aliasing.

I'll wait for That's So Kennedy! to drop in price before I take the plunge.

Which, to Cortese' chagrin, is spelled just that way in the menus. One last "fuck you" from life, I suppose.