I'm having trouble trusting the sincerity of that claim.

Happiness is a warm seltzer spritz.

Aren't we all, though, in some small way? Aren't we all?…

ROCKET FUEL MALT LIQUOR!
DAMN!

Merk, If I may allow one small correction:

So I've finally found a restaurant where I'm not being rude by walking in and asking for a motherfucking table.

[Mr. Von Salsa: please add at least two occurrences of 'throbbing.' Thanks! -Ed.]

Say "rustic Tuscan aesthetic" five times fast.

Except all she drank was O'Douls.

I hate to tell you this, but that's how all of us have gotten into your mom's pants so far.

Mickey Rourke just never took good care of himself, did he?

I sported a rat tail from sixth grade until I was in my twenties.

Existing is fun!
Hey, the date in the title of that youtube video is my birthday! It's like seeing one of your grade school teachers in the supermarket.

It was about 1200 posts ago, but Hungry, Hungry Bourgeoisie is a game idea I can't stop laughing at.

Also,

Jorge FTE!

Only the retarded/autistic get out alive.

I now lowjack your hijack by making this thread about Alan Rickman.

Simon Baker is…
…even less relevant than he was yesterday.

Is that bean juice?