(looks into Otto's litter box)

See, maybe I'm just a simpleton (very, very possible), or I'm just not catching a tsunami of sarcasm (tsucasm?), but that doctor and his wife sound like they're having a lot of really good fun with their little toy.

Every time I pass a vending machine I push all the buttons, just on the off chance that it will make a blonde soak her panties nearby.

Kinda surprised they didn't break out the G.

Kinda surprised they didn't break out the G.

That's a real Mallard Fillmore of an idea.

That's a real Mallard Fillmore of an idea.

What guy is putting in five dates with Nia Vardalos, with the INCREASING hope of getting some tail?

I find it odd that she's chosen to be the Tyler Perry for filmmakers who only make movies about Greek people.

Oh, Cathy! Type a comment for me!
Here, let me scare away any men who might come in here to post a comment:

Straight Outta Locash!

Haters, continue hating.
While I can't imagine a scenario wherein I actually watch this film, I greatly and unironically enjoyed watching Ms. Heigl being brought to faux-gasm.

We'd like you to run for President.

It takes a lot of time to wash off a stain the size of Kareem Abdul-Jabbar's foot.

I'M NOT DRINKIN' ANY FUCKIN' MERLOT!

I would dine there immediately if the marquee was changed to "Fuckin' Fatburger!"

It gets even better, and more lucrative, if you put in the time to teach one how to turn a trick.

"Ditka's wine is worse than his orange face, gang."

I was nineteen in '96, so I was well into my "jizzing your mom" phase.

He neither observes nor reports.