You're gonna blow Morgan Freeman? Im'ma call the AV Club tip line and let them know immediately!

Speaking of things I have no intention of watching…
Is there anyway we can get these ridiculous video ads off the site soon? I'm tired of seeing Zach Galfinakis' fake tears every 10 seconds.

Slow News Day, Huh?
No celebrities are doing drugs or cheating on their spouses?

Wait, are we operating under the assumption that the Beatles are good?

You can die from syphilis? Well then which is the one that makes your crotch itch and burn when you piss?

It's spelled colour asshole.

Is there a Dress Code at this Williamsburg Converse Studio?
Will I have to wear skinny jeans and fake glasses? Right? Will I have to make my hair look stupid and wear a giant chain with a Gameboy attached? HAHAHA. Hipsters, man, I tell you what.

You know who else was a consummate cranky person? Hitler.

I'm pretty sure I'm up in the rotation so I'll just get right to it.

The End Scene at the Dojo
That scene at the dojo would have been a lot funnier if it weren't so stupid, half-assed and poorly choreographed. Other than that I was in stitches. I mean, aside from the poor acting, poor casting and lousy dialogue it was a really great scene.

Do you have any idea what they do to guys who make cop movies in prison!?!

That's not true. I read about his not seeing it on his livejournal account. It's filled with useful information that everyone should know. For example, his favorite color is "gay." True story.

Not a single question…
About what Scarlett Johansson's vagina feels like? For shame.

It sounds like The West Wing
You spend the entire episode going crazy about an issue ("oh no, the president made fun of green beans while in Oregon, this is seriously going to hamper our ability to win their electoral votes" or "a retiring general is going to badmouth the president on TV, we have to stop him") and…

Uncomfortable? What are you, some kind of fag? I would get her so pregnant.

We don't have to watch this show anymore to be culturally relevant anymore…
Right? Because that would be depressing.

Fuck, I've been outed as a guy who only watches clips of True Blood online and also one who doesn't subscribe to HBO. How gay is that?

Also, Partlow and Michael were both molested when they were kids. That's what makes people gay. Or at least that's what I learned at Bible Camp.

If I liveblogged True Blood it would look like this:

True Blood's the gayest show on TV?
Then does that make me gay for masturbating to it?