Maybe because Todd is a writer, and the writers are not also responsible for running the technical side of the website? We have an entire, very talented team who does that. You can contact them with comments or questions through the Contact Us page—or at bugs@theonion.com.

I'll admit that I also had to double-check, and was pleasantly surprised.

Good idea. Yes I will. Thanks.

Yes, I do remember. And that was an accident, not a "test run" to see if you would like it. We were well aware of the fact that you wouldn't like it, or any change to the current system. And I'm definitely not saying, "Hey, you might like it now!" Clearly you don't. You don't like change. I don't either. I get it.

The only "workaround" I can think of is that everyone stops panicking and learns to navigate the new system, rather than convincing themselves and each other that there's just no future with a new commenting system.

Guys, I don't really have any answers to your questions, I'm afraid. I just write stuff. All I know is that Disqus is forcing every site that uses it to adopt its current version, and while we clung to this old model as long as we could, there's no longer any way for us, or any other site, to keep it. They're…

We spent many months looking into multiple alternatives, none of them particularly attractive or capable of handling the volume of comments you guys produce. And we have talked about creating our own in-house comment system, but if it happens, it will be a ways off. It takes time to build something like that, and our…

I am very sick today, but I haven't popped any cold meds yet. This is just average everyday nonsense.

LOL awesum

Whoops, let me fix that right now. Wouldn't want you to miss out!

Since you're all about the exacting definitions of things, they weren't tweets. And Newswire isn't a column—but I agree that we are very silly.

Where are you getting the impression I don't care for Dan Harmon? Or that I'm ignoring the fact that sometimes people exaggerate for humorous effect? All I'm doing is pointing out that he already went through this with the rape analogy, apologized profusely, vowed to avoid that kind of humorous exaggeration in the…

This qualifies as sensationalist? You have a pretty low threshold.

Yes, thanks for all the suggestions for stories other than the one I just worked on and posted, guys.

How about on the story I'm going to post about it in a little bit? That might be a good place to put it.

South Park is a real geographical area (a basin) that contains other towns, not a town itself.

How is the fact that they're the same town a silly justification? The Inventory is on "rival towns," not rival sides of the same town.

Especially if all of those layers were vests.

The press release says "longest-running scripted show in television history," but you're right, it's really just the longest-running primetime scripted series. I bet Fox feels really embarrassed right now.

Come to Chicago then, and let's make arrangements so you can punch me in the face. That's really the only reasonable reaction to an Internet article you don't like.