Word-for-word total recall on a paragraph-long quote? Hmmm….

Bonus points for "gotdamned." As in, "GOTDAMN! The bigger the cap, the bigger the peelin'."

Whenever I type the words "hot-button" I get an erection, so, yeah.

Her position is that Heigl is not a bitch; mine is that the private lives of others are unknowable to us, be it our closest friends or celebrities we don't even know, and therefore we shouldn't make such rash pronouncements, but that based on all the evidence available to me she is totally a bitch.

possible titles, in order of likelihood
1. Hallelujah
2. Last Goodbye
3. Eternal Life

Clearly a job for Jared Leto, right after he's done with Kurt Cobain. Then he fills out the trilogy with 'Rain When I Die: The Layne Staley Story.'

I swear
The most heated arguments I've ever had with my wife have been over whether Katherine Heigl is a bitch or not. She's quite the hot-button issue around here.

I believe that would be heroin.

Yeah, I was kinda waiting for that to be addressed.

I do worry that eventually he'll be too busy to do the Bugle. The funniest thing he's ever said was his suggestion to Andy Zaltzman about what to yell at the pigeons on his roof: "YOU ARE JUST SHIT DINOSAURS!"

We ain't doing a $500 bottle, we're doing a $99 wine and dine!

When you party with the party elf you get two complimentary after-dinner mints!

Would he have said that to Tom Petty?

Before that they were Duckface.

Best is correct. I'm gonna give worst to 'ou812' for being boring.

Holy crap, that set off a synapse that hadn't fired in a while.

Anything to keep Courtney Love off Twitter.

I refer you to the woman-as-food trilogy that is "Good Enough," "Poundcake" and "Up for Breakfast."

The sentence "Now you have fucked up, Steve" is the awesomest thing I've read all day.

the accent
I'm a very big fan of Eddie's standup, but his difficulty maintaining an American accent is pretty much the entire reason I stopped watching 'The Riches.'