I love how every real estate agent on House Hunters can instantly identify every load-bearing wall on sight. "Yep, you can take that one out no problem and really open this place up."

I love how every real estate agent on House Hunters can instantly identify every load-bearing wall on sight. "Yep, you can take that one out no problem and really open this place up."

Or: "Hmm, I was really hoping for smaller closets."

Or: "Hmm, I was really hoping for smaller closets."

Things you don't expect to hear on House Hunters: "I don't know about house #2. I really don't like open concept."

Things you don't expect to hear on House Hunters: "I don't know about house #2. I really don't like open concept."

Things you don't expect to hear on House Hunters: "I don't know about house #2. I really don't like open concept."

What kills me is, "Oh, but I don't think our furniture will fit." Because, apparently, they bought their furniture at a store that required them to take lifelong vows to their beige sectional.

What kills me is, "Oh, but I don't think our furniture will fit." Because, apparently, they bought their furniture at a store that required them to take lifelong vows to their beige sectional.

Battle for the Planet of the Nymphomaniacs

Nymphomaniac Reloaded

I'm hearing this in Liam Neeson's voice.

The looming possibility that the show you're watching could expire at any moment—at any moment!—sure ups the dramatic tension. Very exciting!

The freakiest part for me was when the skeksis sucked the lifeforce out of the podlings and their eyes turned milky white. Nightmares, I tell you.

Or as Jefferson wrote in "Notes on the State of Virginia," "Deism or GTFO."

Strangely enough, substituting "smurf" for all references to Dawes maintains the sense of this post.

The He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named-Because-He's-Not-Really-In-It Legacy

The fact that Chuck Norris needs "special" jeans goes against this whole mythology he's got going. I mean, really, you need fancy jeans to kick someone's ass? Well then, Mr. Norris, I'll just wait here while you go home and change into your little outfit.

Is this one of those lame Super Bowl bets between mayors, where instead of the losing mayor having to wear the winning team's jersey to a news conference, they instead have to utterly debase themselves and their city on a reality show? Not a good bet, Menino.

She'll have more time now to promote Nurse 3D, which according to IMDB is a real thing.