Dude…released into the woods. So you'd actually be a feral cat. You'd probably get raped a whole lot.

a) I totally love that premise
b) How many people do you figure would purposefully fail at finding a mate because sweet, now's my chance to be a wolf or whatever!?
c) "Get away from me! I know we share many interests and an undeniable physical attraction, but I wanna be a hedgehog! Go away or they'll notice what…

Like a bottom-feeding catfish…wow. Way to try your hardest to ruin vaginas.

Man, I'd forgotten about this record. Good shit.

HEY GUYS, STOP REPLYING ABOUT HOW MANY SONGS YOU HAVE BY SOME OTHER BAND! YOU'RE ALL WEIRD AND I DON'T CARE!

I live in NYC (formerly Boston) and other than my one uncle who, coincidentally, lives in NC, I know no one who owns a gun. I don't even know anyone who wouldn't laugh if I suggested it.

Really? I thought Kingsley was the best part of Iron Man 3 just for that one scene alone.

You are appalling, sir.

Assuming that AV Club commenters perfectly represent America, which of course we do, no.

Don't feed the trolls!

I like the Black Crowes, but 548 is too many songs by anyone.

I guess Hipster DBag let Chris Robinson light his candle.

Yeah, those bands aren't shitty.

I know, right? Could we get one fuckin' win at home? And is this the most assholey thing imaginable to complain about?

Yeah, fine, give it a shot. What have you got to lose? But be reaaaaal casual about it, so she feels free to say nah if she doesn't want to give it another shot.

Just go, you big fucking sissy. Yes, you are making excuses. What, you think every person who actually does go has his or her shit 100% together? "Oh lovely, I own a home, have a great job and support system, and zero unpleasant habits! Now it's time to date!" No, the people who do go are big weird messes who are…

Yo, my girlfriend, who spent some time in the trenches of internet dating, would tell you that this totally happens, like, a lot, and it's very disheartening, but on the plus side at least you didn't actively dislike her, and also you've learned to go on the date sooner rather than later. This is how non-internet…

SOX IN FIVE

Solve for X?

I meant with our pants.