I can't make a joke about your mom with material like that!

I trunk dial people all the time.

That sounds familiar. Oh yeah, me and your mom last night.

It Depends.

Who watches CNN for New Years Eve?

I Radner liked banging your mom last night.

Johnny 5 was doing that in Short Circuit, and you got a racist Fisher Stevens to boot.

Holiday Weekend!

You don't even get a stick of gum with a pack of baseball cards anymore.

I guess Lynda Carter never snorted a line of coke off your ass.

Tropical Neo-Nazis make the best fruity cocktails.

He looks like someone just asked him a difficult math problem.

Completely pointless comments time: I know a real-life Freddy Krueger.

I'm okay with that.

I find mixing in a little shredded news paper really helps attract the worms.

First drink is on the house, but after that you'll have to decide if it's more important to get drunk, or pay down your student debt.

They all taste terrible like those Le Croix waters all taste terrible, but I can't stop drinking either one.

No. But on the other hand….yes.

Just like your mom last night.

You can get paid for being loaded?