I've said it before, but I'm very happy to not consider him as one of my kind.

You say bankrupt, I say investing for the long haul.

But that actually makes sense, like not pissing into the wind.

There hasn't been rubbing alcohol in the house since Grandma died.

On the other hand (Ha!)….if I was your supervisor…

You shouldn't be in touch with teenagers.

And I think I'd rather cut my dick off then spend a night at a Sybaris Pool Suites.

We're playing you guys in next weeks softball tournament!

I got tattoos of eyeballs on my eyelids so I can nap at work and my boss doesn't know it.

I'm slightly more germophobic than the average person, so I shy away from public pools in general. Having never been to a swim-up bar, I just naturally assume that those people are literally just sitting and peeing while they drink.

Oh, those people are Buffet fans?!? Then nevermind, fuck them.

People that don't like to swim in a pool full of urine.

I'll take a pass on the sticky fruit syrup and the salted rim. I'll see all you losers at Tequilaville retirement community.

And American Girl.

Jimmy always seemed like a pretty cool guy. You can't really blame him for the culture that surrounds him. And, there's much worse people to hate than Buffet fans.

I read that last line as "salted to open…". Still works.

It's got the stuff goats go for.

You just need 2-ply yourself!

They aren't the smartest company. They have no idea how geography works.

Finally the Rosy-the-Riveter of housework this nation has be craving.