At least buy me a drink first.

Eh, I'm not that into caves.

He's an active spebunker.

Geez, one time she steps out of the house without make-up on! No reason to insult her like that.

Do you get to pick a new flag?

Rauner was disappointed because he bought a new 64 pack of Crayola crayons for the coloring book that he thought he was getting. He never even got to use the built-in sharpener.

I'll always acknowledge it's existence because it brought attention to Gary Busey's mastery of mnemonic devices.

You don't get to bang housekeepers by looking like an old man.

Surely this means Trump will quit the presidency to return as the ratings-machine host.

Finally, a photographer that can take a picture straight.

They never show Muppet's butts for a reason.

I took a personality test. The results came back: "Louise".

So….do your work for you?

*draws pirate eye-patch and blacks out tooth on @etpietro:disqus's face*

I need to date more high school girls.

Those are great too. I slice them thinly, plunge them into boiling water for 15 seconds, the squeeze fresh lime juice over them and let them cool in the refrigerator. They'll last a month or more

These pickles are making me thirsty.

EMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLLSSSSSSSSS!!!!!

He doesn't declare …..

I've been coming into my own the past couple of months as well.