But it *doesn't* tell me how many pizzas to order? No thanks.

Diary of a Mad German Chancellor was revealed to be a hoax in the early 1980s.

*soaps up hand, pleasures self into sock*

Such high reviews!

The link on the text "buy that item on Amazon" goes to the phone, not the food thickener! I WANTED TO SEE THE FOOD THICKENER, TETI!

Nadir? More like Nader 2016!
*gets deservedly beaten to death*

"I drank all the biopsy."

Really, for a wedding in Westeros the largest line-item cost is probably embalming fluid.

*hangs grandpa imposter*

What side is the hologram on? I want to hear from him.

EVERYONE ELSE LOVES NEEEEDDDD FLANDERS!!!

Petty vandalism such as graffiti is down eighty percent, while heavy sack beatings are up a shocking nine hundred percent.

We're through the looking glass people.

No need to sweat Arsenio to gain some type of fame.

It's the most useful Hutz quote to deploy in an actual law office.

Just a moment… Just a moment… I've just picked up a fault in the Disqus unit. It's going to go 100% failure within 72 hours.

It's all fun and games until a giant radioactive hamburger levels Tokyo.

I'm afraid all of those players have retired and, uh… passed on. In fact, your right-fielder has been dead for a hundred and thirty years.

*Chimpanzee president hits aide with bunch of kale*
That's what you get when you don't kale to the chimp!

That's what Alito's for!