Dunno how old you are, but many years ago when 5'2" Dudley Moore was at the top of his Hollywood fame, he was dating 6'4" Susan Anton…when asked about their relationship he answered "she's a very lovely girl. Well worth the climb." As for Minnie, though…as long as you don't need to carry oxygen bottles, make your…

Now let's be accurate here…Baron Harkonnen sodomized and then murdered the lad. Put it into the correct context Can you repeat after me, class? Brutal sodomy first, then murder. Very good. Ah, there's the bell. Study the chapter on true vampirism for our next session.

It's always the mousy ones that like to peg guys with the 14-incher that pumps near-scalding oatmeal. (I read that in Cosmo while waiting to have my headlights aimed) It's kind of like camoflauge in nature. Or maybe she doesn't have a strap-on but actually HAS a 14-incher. I don't want to imagine that, but it's in…

I was looking at this on lunchbreak and a lesbian friend passed by, saw who it wrote the article, looked at the pirate picture, and said "bet she still has that cunt-friendly tongue." Having created that indelible image, I think she should start a band with that name.

Republicans have hard dicks? Why has my sister complained about her husband all these years?

Very astute. Is your name really McKetrick? Or is that just a monikeranym?

I work at one of the outdoor venues she came to on tour this year and—not being critical here, but commenting—she brought two large tour buses to it. I was told that one was hers and the other was a bus of people who apparently bought out all the best seats in the place and traveled with her…to every show, we…

'Stinging' is the key word in the title…forgot what a tight group they were…but what a nasty and weird road they took. RIP Carl & Dennis.

While I don't think Truman had a choice other than to use the bombs, I sincerely doubt we would have atomic-bombed Berlin or any other Axis city even though they would have used it on any of their enemies had they developed it first. Religious fanatic yellow people who attacked us were a far more preferable target…

I thought your Uncle Eli was in prison for hollowing out that boi prostitute with a butterknife.

Raises the question: if Lois Lane (or Jimmy Olsen) fellated Superman, would he blow their head off when he came? FAN FICTION TIME, BOYS AND GIRLS!!! And how would he explain that to a Grand Jury and Commissioner Gordon? (yes, I know…he's from Gotham. but he's an authority figure. sheeesh.) Anyway, it'd be either…

"Statistical Likelihood?" I thought there were more women than men. Didn't what they taught in Stats class carry over, that there are the basically the same percentages of bi and gay people in both sexes, therefore there would be more women available for sex partners to a bisexual? I think we need a national…

One of my classmates married our 8th- and 12th-grade English teacher. He was the one who told me I should go to college and get a degree because "it was easy and anybody can teach". He became a school district principal and then superintendent. I don't know if they're still married. But I also don't know if she…

That rips my guts out every time. After all of that comic insanity, a moment of insane truth. If they would have done the same thing in the last episode of Seinfeld I would have laughed my ass off, but I just didn't care about those four people as much as I was surprised to find I did the Blackadder cast.

Those lips of his. I'm drawn to French Kick them.

My ex smashed my face in pavement. She was a very aggressive kindergarten teacher, all things considered.

It's not something to have guilt about, child. You don't have to even say one 'Hail Billy' now that you've confessed. Go have a Mountain Dew and some cocaine and forget it ever happened.

I think I saw the Care Bears Macbeth when my daughter was little. My wife made me take her to it.

She's been punched in the face three times, eh? I always thought that Kimmel guy was a vicious prick. The ones that still look like they did in eighth grade always are.

EC's drug of choice was snorted heroin, I believe. Just like his boyhood idol Harold MacMillan.