I'll do Lopez's show for 1/16 the price.

They're interviewing me?

I'll do Ratbert for half the price Lopez is asking.

Does anyone have a link to the Physics for Poets joke?

So this guy walks into Lindsay Lohan. And now he can't get out! 'Cause she's loose!

Do go on about your Best Buy story…

Even I have enough integrity to look deep inside my shredded, darkness-enshrouded soul and know this shit is fucked up.

My new show's premise:
Parents are to blame for all these dee dee dee'
Letting their kids drop out and not get GED's
You keep your kids inside cause there's freaks on the loose
But yet you let them drink from Michael Jackson's "Jesus Juice"?
You don't care when your kids come home with D's from class
What you need to do is…

Yeah, it's like he just kept hitting on the same joke over and over and expected that people would still find it funny! It would only be funny if they were 'tarded!

It's almost as bad that chunky chick from Beaches named an album about Cries and Whispers.

Imagine if Anna Nicole Smith if she were black, one tenth less savvy, and not alive. And retarded!