Let me quote the late, great Colonel Sanders, who said: "I'm too drunk to taste this chicken."

I got a Sugar Ray notification for this?

The fact that it was the early '90s makes me suspect that barflies were really requesting the Ugly Kid Joe cover of the song, in which case I totally understand.

Before he became the host of "Press Your Luck," Peter Tomarken was in advertising; he eventually was appearing on-screen so much in commercials that he had to hire an agent. When they first met, the agent told Peter, "I'm going to get you into game shows."

Brendan Canning was Len's keyboardist when "Steal My Sunshine" hit it big; he then left and formed Broken Social Scene.

Then again, Chubby Checker followed up "The Twist" with "Let's Twist Again," and it went to the top of the charts.

In 2000, I was 14 years old, and just starting high school in a mid-sized Midwestern city after moving from a farm town with no culture to speak of. It was a weird time; just before the Internet became big enough for a teenager in Middle America to not have his cultural tastes dictated by what was on MTV. There were…

Kittie…Jesus. That band single-handed lay turned me off of female-fronted rock acts for about seven years.

The thing about Fred Durst is that he didn't appear to be the social outcast other nü-metal frontmen were. Marilyn Manson, Jonathan Davis, and Chester Bennington looked like they would have been bullied well into their 20s if they weren't rock stars; at the very least, the angst and rage they portrayed could be seen…

Their singer died of a massive heart attack. That may be part of it.

That's not a walleye, that's a perch!

I saw them last night in Atlanta, and my immediate thought when I saw the band setting up was, "I love, LOVE, that guitar." And yes, they were awesome.

That's a little easier to understand. Playing sports makes you hungry, and after spending several hours fulfilling the media obligations after a big win, Waffle House (or Denny's or some local 24-hour diner) is often the only place open that sells food. Not quite the same scenario as "everyone is so exhausted and…

Lebron's Kia commercials would make you believe he's a regular schlub. If the backboard collapsed on Richard Jefferson's neck, the roof of the arena started leaking, and the NBA decided "fuck it, we'll stop the game after the third quarter," maybe Lebron would have resorted to taking that Kia through the drive-thru.…

The Speedway, Indiana Burger Chef was a really depressing place. That's the same location where race car driver Gordon Johncock "celebrated" winning the 1973 Indianapolis 500.

"Chopped" does it right, which is why it's the best competition show on television. Keep it tight, keep it moving; let the contestants have their heartstrings stories, but make it clear that it doesn't matter how sad your story is if you left the cassava root off your appetizer plate.

With the cultural impact "Jurassic Park" had on the '90s, an inflatable T. Rex costume is a genuine 20th century toy.

America needs its own Mr. Octopus, showing up every year, but never making it past the quintuple steps.

In my attempt to cope with the news of the worst mass shooting and worst violent hate crime in American history, as well as the worst terror attack in the U.S. since 9/11, the best glimmer of hope I could muster of what positive may come as a result of the tragedy was, "maybe gay people will be allowed to donate blood…

They call having a wide palm and short fingers "cadet" size in golf gloves. Trump's a golfing man; my guess is he's too self-conscious to wear the cadet glove, and stuffs his hand in a regular glove two sizes too big, leaving the unfilled inch of the glove's fingers to hang flaccid like a baby penis.