Chet, you'll never guess who we treated today at that accident on the PCH. No, not Susan Anton! It was that girl that was in those movies. You know the ones… Roy, what was her name? Anyway, you could tell that she had been taking pills. What kind of pills? Who knows. I tell you, I wouldn't be in the movies for a…

Chet, you'll never guess who we treated today at that accident on the PCH. No, not Susan Anton! It was that girl that was in those movies. You know the ones… Roy, what was her name? Anyway, you could tell that she had been taking pills. What kind of pills? Who knows. I tell you, I wouldn't be in the movies for a…

But an LA County firefighter's uniform is a different story! I'll tell you more right after I eat some of this delicious…

Hey there buddy, you look familiar!  Want to join me in a sandwich? I'll just take a bite and…

Now wait a second… D5W is an IV solution… 5% dextrose in water. You need more than 50cc's! Lactate of Ringer is another good one.

Rampart, Rampart, this is Squad 51! We have an unresponsive male, age 43, morbidly obese. He is wedged tightly into an office chair in front of what appears to be a CB radio and a partially-consumed foot-long hoagie. Fire department was notifed after other CB'ers heard him ranting incoherently, followed by snoring,…

You know, Roy, it's hard to find the time to even hold a complete conversation. It seems like every time we start to talk, we get interrupted by…

Hoo-boy! This show is a classic now? What about a show that inspired a generation of emergency medical personnel? Now that show would be a classic.  In fact, as soon as I eat this sandwich, I'm going to…

I don't know about this
Roy, I've been doing some thinking. Yeah, yeah, let me finish. And you be quiet, Chet. I think a show about paramedics would be great! You know, show us driving to the scene, calling in to Rampart, defibrillating the patient. That kind of stuff. But what nobody would want to see is the rest…

Rampart, Rampart, this is Squad 51! We have a white male, age unknown, morbidly obese. He was found nude and unconscious next to a CB radio. There appears to be a plastic toy horse lodged in his rectum. Pulse is thready, respiration 20 and shallow. Unable to get a blood pressure cuff around his arm. We are working to…

Rampart, we have a male, aged 45. Subject is incoherent. Witnesses report that he has ingested drugs. He will not say what the drugs are, but witnesses report the following possibilities: street reds, back-alley blues, goofballs, highballs, speedballs, Maui wowie, 'ludes, horse, smack, blow, junk, dope, acid, and…

Rampart!
This is rescue 51. We have a male, approximate age 32. He has been entranced by his own reflection in a mirror. Victim is unresponsive, but vital signs are normal and stable. Suspect severe narcissism or possible head injury. Will know more as soon as we can separate him from the mirror. Please stand by.

Rampart! Rampart! This is Squad 51! Patient presenting with symptoms of CancerAIDS. Cannot take vital signs, as he is also on fire!