So The A.V. Club's collective mother refers to her vagina as "my Gap"? Is this Kirk's mom we're talking about?

From a forensics perspective, it's far more plausible that Bill's belt came undone and his pants dropped to his ankles, thereby allowing him to piss onto his pants…that, or he's got the Scheft hanging out of his fly 24/7.

Plus, now he can devote the next 2 weeks to planning an elaborate Halloween prank to make Bill more thoroughly piss himself next Friday…

Or some poop.

Too bad that Lego figurines are so stiff and dramatically inert that, cuteness and admirable effort aside, watching quickly becomes tedious…

I'm gonna work for the artificial flower plant plant!

Will your disinterest change when Colbert takes over for Letterman?

Hey, if you're calling me some sort of Rumpelstiltskin, well, 1. blast you to hellfire; 2. please note that some of us happen to be over thirty, and 3. behold my impotent tantrum!

Even if he meant secrete, secede is better — LaBeouf, Franco and Rick Perry should go found their own lil' Lone Douche state…

Did anyone else immediately picture Hendricks as one of the benches from the Korova Milk Bar in A Clockwork Orange? Pardon me, Luce…

MAKE UP YA MIND YA BI-VOTIN' QUEEAH!

Ya know, coahpahration, every day I come by ya house and I pick ya up. And we go out. We have a few drinks, a few laughs, and it's great. But ya know what the best paht of my day is? Fah bout ten seconds, from when I pull up to tha cahb to when I get to ya doah, 'cuz I think, maybe I'll get up theeyah and I'll knock…

You need some funny? See typo from above:

Even when imitating the verbal tics of a tweaked-out twink, there are some propositions for prepositions I will never entertain.

In a related story, Successful College Sophomore Cites "Popular Demand" in Reprising Comedy Routine at High School Talent Show.

"This show has everything: Californians, Lindsay Buckingham, a crotchety old reporter, Stefon, not-so-surprise appearances by former co-stars, and a big eh!"
"What's a big eh?"
"It's that thing where, like, everyone nurtures childlish excitement about further variations on exhausted concepts, but when it happens,…

"Take It with Me" is transformed from one of the most achingly bitterweet songs of all time to a clunky processional that could accompany Mario and Luigi's gay wedding…

Well I'm an atheist, and as for this waltzing theory of yours, I — [watches last clip]…I, um…think…I've got, um…something in my eye…

Ol' Dick may not want to touch this one— Collins was a guest predator on L&O SVU 6 years ago — unless they want to jump through the looking glass and make one about an actor who's just a little too method-obsessed…
http://www.imdb.com/title/t…

My body has wonderful glands…anyone know Weird Al's cell number?