thankful 4 my TWO snowmobiles. praying 4 everyone with one or less snowmobile
8:19 PM - 28 Nov 2013

my cousin is a lawyer specializing in dick pic-phone bill compensation
6:55 PM - 5 Jun 2013

beware of any product marketed as "European-style"
4:42 PM - 14 Oct 2012

is Pepsi ok?
2:33 AM - 3 May 2012

if/when I am bald-headed, should I go Larry David, Michael Stipe or permanent Yankees hat?
12:08 AM - 29 Jul 2012

i am 2 gentlemanly 2 celebrate halloween anymore, but tonight at a fine french restaurant i might drink red wine with fish as a spooky prank
9:06 PM - 31 Oct 2013

ray-bans, gold watch, no shirt, leather belt, chinos - great east
coast summer sociopath look !
7:48 PM - 17 Jun 2013

just perfectly rapped LMFAO "Sexy and I Know It" and this clown literally burst into tears and left. Thanks for the help everyone
11:51 PM - 10 Jul 2012

reading Cinquenta sombras de Grey to my abuela. only time in my life that i'm glad I don't understand spanish
12:20 AM - 18 Apr 2013

in Mexico, the movie "Gravity" is called "Grave Dad"….sounds spooky as fuk
7:45 PM - 14 Oct 2013

a sequel to 50/50 called "What Are the Odds?" in which Seth Rogen's character gets cancer & Joseph Gordon-Levitt helps him through it
6:23 PM - 30 Apr 2013

I also call New Jersey by its Latin name: NOVA CAESAREA
8:46 PM - 7 Sep 2012

October is a great month to rock moth-eaten sweaters. it's stylish, seasonally-appropriate and…spooky
9:32 PM - 15 Oct 2012

i understand if u have mixed feelings abt communism/Stalin/whateva but the Soviet National Anthem is one of the best workout songs ever
11:28 PM - 21 May 2012

champagne for my French friends, sparkling wine for my
CALIFORNIA BROS
7:49 PM - 3 May 2013

if u think i'm pretentious now, WAIT TIL U HEAR HOW I PRONOUNCE
THE WORD "PRETENTIOUS" - it's like the dad from downtown abbey plus
FRENCH
5:08 PM - 6 May 2013

she gives me chills…from my ray-bans to my espadrilles
5:06 PM - 1 Jun 2013

u say "I don't give a fuk" but u merely desire 2 not give a fuk. When ur last fuk is truly given, a wave of silent euphoria will wash over u
10:35 PM - 8 Jul 2013

is Hugh Jackman a jacked human?
5:20 PM - 28 Dec 2012