I haven't gotten around to destroying it yet, so yes, I still have it.

The closest I ever got to writing smut when I was in high school was having two teenage characters in one story make out in a movie theater; hell, it had been established as early as the first page that the protagonist had vowed not to start having sex until after high school as part of some bargain he'd tried to make…

You're probably right about that, but if I had been in MOTHER's position, I wouldn't feel guilty about not having her in my life in any capacity. Some things are just impossible to forgive.

For the love of Christ, why has the author of the last letter not cut that abusive, sex-shaming harpy he calls his mom out of his life entirely?

No. I think it's lint.

We should really go to the tiebreaker round on that, but I'd give the edge to Vince Offer.

Cyan is, if you ask me, one of the worst characters in FF6, if not the worst (though there's a very strong and compelling case to be made for Umaro).

The first time I died was against Al Gore. Al on his own is not a serious threat (though he can rout you if you get complacent), it's the fucking secret service that makes the fight such a problem. If I hadn't been playing as a mage with a beefed-up Dust of Dreams, I don't know what I would've done.

I second everything @PaganPoet:disqus said.

I had to go to the eye doctor last summer for a new pair of glasses. It can be a pain in the ass, but you might as well just do it and get it over with already.

I beat South Park: The Stick of Truth last night and am on to FF6 Advance once again. I'm doing a cheat-assisted low-level speedrun (99 copies of every item, all espers, all spells/skills unlocked) this time, just to change things up.

Those Stick of Truth tutorials are fucking bullshit. Not only do they misrepresent how the farts are actually done, but they're a pain to get past. Confusing instructions, fussy inputs, unskippable redemonstration cutscenes after every failed attempt…and when they're over, you still only have the vaguest idea how to…

I nominate "sctibrly" for the next update of the Scrabble dictionary.

The "you love each other, if not perfectly" point Dan made isn't a bad one, but on the whole, his answer to DTMFA was less in-depth than it could or should have been and it glossed over some of the explicit and implicit problems with their relationship. I think that letter needed more column space than it got.

I'll opt for the power to have all the powers that I want.

Wow. That story was worthy of Larry David.

DTMFA and his wife sound like Kevin Thompson and Brittany Taylor, 25 years on.

This is one of the best columns Dan's done in some time, or at least his least irritating. No stumping for someone's new book or line of BPA-free GGG sex toys, no badly-timed, apropos-of-nothing potshots at people he disagrees with, no farming out half the column to some doctor, blogger or sex worker, no bragging…

It's not that hard for me to imagine someone doing it for real, though the final product might end up feeling like a game-long Alpha Protocol conversation.

I'll vote for the arcade game of My Dinner With Andre.