Fuck, just reading this gave me a jolt of holiday-planning anxiety.

I told you not to wear the clown makeup.

This strikes me as a really stretching-it attempt to create a narrative out of a Baby Boomer cover band playing the kinds of songs Baby Boomer cover bands play in shitty bars in every town in America.

"For one thing, Joseph Gordon-Levitt is quickly proving himself to be the new Johnny Depp, but instead of putting on a weird hat he has to do a weird voice in every movie."

His balls are controlled by the bottom one.

Wow, they let him say, "Hi everybody, I'm a corporate symbol" as Mickey. Would not have expected that.

Man, that's depressing.

Okay, so does anyone else think Bee's delivery has shifted from snarky to snide?

Beyonce. Only Beyonce.

Crackle is sad you forgot it exists and produced a Joe Dirt sequel.

That guy's got range all the way from loud callous meathead to somewhat louder callous meathead.

I wish that Films That Time Forgot was still going on, so I could read about this movie in 2053.

To be fair, it's ALSO about fucking.

Stop lecturing us on gay rights! Play something wholesome, like that song about crystal meth!

I remember the Cedric the Entertainer Big and Tasty commercial that ends with Grimace muttering something and Cedric, obviously, responding with "What did you say about my mama?"

"Anti-comedy"

No, just the fact that their writer and readers have a weird hate-on for Taylor Swift, and will defend anyone who is at odds with her, even when they're blatantly in the wrong.

I thought Bird Person was dead.

I went over to see what the folks at Jezebel have to say about this. The short version: Kim is awesome, something something white privilege something something Taylor got what she deserved.

Well, by that standard, it's obviously Beyonce.