I never in my wildest dreams imagined…
that me and my friend's childhood past time of going to the disabled kids foster home down the street so we could "laugh at the retards" would become the predominant form of entertainment.

I never in my wildest dreams imagined…
that me and my friend's childhood past time of going to the disabled kids foster home down the street so we could "laugh at the retards" would become the predominant form of entertainment.

plus my generation can typo like motherfuckers!

The day he dies I went to a party and had no idea what happened. Someone mentioned if I heard about Kurt and I said, "So what, did he finally suck the pipe?".

As a grouchy Gen Xer
You kids have managed to come up with NOTHING ORIGINAL! Every bit of youth culture I see today looks like a sloppy retread of everything I remember as trendy in high school and college.

If "you ladies" wish to become unloved, unlayable spinsters, then be my guest.

My teen suicide attempt was similar to Nathan's but replace caffeine with a loaded revolver and the psychiatrist's visit having me be very quiet and just say what I thought he wanted to hear. That got me out of a trip to the funny farm but got me prescribed a bunch of pills. I pretended to take most of them but the…

You can't have too many fart apps
But my favorite was the girl in a bar who showed me a calendar app that she could keep track of her "time of the month" with. I of course asked if that means she can share that calendar with her girlfriends so that all their periods sync up.

This will be their final tour at least until "the beach house is starting to look shabby" tour in 2012.

I always had a strange attraction to some of the Archie Comics as a kid but not others. It took until my adulthood to realize it was the Dan DeCarlo stuff that tripped my trigger. Now that man could draw boobies!

She Hulk vs "Aunt Flo"?

Shotgun shooting was the easiest merit badge I ever got.

I just want Sanford to say "A Cleveland Steamer is not sex"

I loved her bit about how the last swine flu epidemic and the current one both happened under Democratic Presidents, calling it "an interesting coincidence". Or how about the one where Americorps is what she, "would call re-education camps for young people" and that it is now mandatory (it is not).

Tom Sizemore can't quit!
He is contractually obligated to be constantly tweaking balls.

I intentionally meant duck. A goose would just be gross!

Amores Pato!

Her method is the best girlfriend I could ever have!
So then that means I'm going to lose weight by getting lots and lots of blowjobs.

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar…
and other times it's a big ole cock substitute.

I had the incredible misfortune to see the first Transformers and I would tear off my left nut and mail it to Michael Bay if that would get my two hours back.