Bonestein, man.

The AV Club

edited for nope never mind

Okay @avclub-808e22af6c33eea22608f30cef458844:disqus  I'm a little skeptical, but I'm also open-minded, so let's give this a shot.

Yeah, I'm not sure how much I can buy into the whole "Total Victim" thing either.

I'm not sure which idea I like more:  Spielbergo, the cut-rate hack who deliberately does a Spanish-language copy of every Spielberg project?  Or Spielbergo, the low-budget auteur whose life is just a surreal, purely coincidental series of SAP reflections of Spielberg's own.

Shit, no, hang on, he's so fat that even his heart can't carry a rhythm.

No, wait, he's so fat that his flams have caramel cream.

Yo drumma's so fat, his drum rolls come with cream cheese.

True story:  yesterday, I'm hanging out with a friend, and he says to me, he says, "Russia won't let the Bloodhound Gang into the country."  For a full minute, I had to pretend to know what he meant, because all I could imagine was some kind of canine counterpart to those Hanna Barbera alley cats.

@avclub-146bc30c345d31f3468fec764a1970e1:disqus

Neither does the idea that you can be a young person and somehow avoid the omnipresent WEB, yet here we are.

I figure that sliver of 18-24 that doesn't use the web breaks down to this:
25% are in comas
21% are Amish
20% smugly announce at all opportunities that they don't even have a cell phone/internet
10% were out sick for a few days back in '96, missed the announcement
10% feral, currently living as bobcats
10% still waiting…

That'll do, Pegg.

Who says I'm joking?  I love doing my white guy voice, it's a lot of fun, and getting paid to do it would be like the existential opposite of a kick to the groin.

Pacific Rim is hardly incoherent, I think that's a gross overstatement of its flaws.

So you're saying that if I move to China, I've a decent shot at an acting career playing stereotypical white guys?  I'm kind of gruff and have a well-maintained and full beard; do the Chinese have a broad type for me to play?

Owner of a Seasonal Fireworks Tent in the Parking Lot of a Strip Mall?  Evangelical Preachers?  Professional Texan?

There are two kinds of people in the world, my friend:  those with a rope around the neck, and the people who have the job of selling the rope to affluent males aged 18-35.

There's no reason banditos can't be demographic-chasing corporate number-crunchers.