Get a haircut

I'm a liquor drinker and to be honest I don't care what you drink. I can't really stomach much of that coconut rum but he, I'll drink my Four Roses on the rocks and you drink whatever you like and we'll all get drunk and mangle the lyrics to American Pie together. Woo hoo!

Three Wolfmen and a Sparkly Teenage Vampiress.

They already made a movie about a teenage Carrie. I think it was called Misty of Chincoteague.

With the aid of some wealthy donors, I'm forming a think tank. Based on the political views of said donors, we'll put together an opinion analysis including S.W.O.T. which we will supply to you after we've released it to the media.

Come on you guys, let's just shake hands and admit the entire Eastern Conference sucks. You all play in the same time zone for crying out loud.

Go ahead and put that on your resume. It's really impressive.

Blessed are the cheesemakers.

I don't hate the Flyers but I hate that frickin' goon Pronger. However, I want to see that money grubbing whore Hossa miss out on another Cup and literally have a mental breakdown on the ice in front of everyone. Unfortunately, the Chicago bandwagon-fest has driven up the final's tv ratings so if you believe in…

We bought a Nissan Quest purely out of spite.

When is going to stop talking about doing something about it and start actually doing something about it?

Adolph Oliver Pubes announces "Don't Fucking Care, Not Going Anyway, Response to Aerosmith Tour announcement"

It's a land of idiocy, but it's a dry idiocy so that makes it a little more tolerable.

Sounds like Hollywood…

Thanks, but french fries are for commies. I only eat Freedom Fries while I enjoy the wonderful music of that great American Lee Greenwood.

If Glover gets the Spiderman part, it would only be fair to cast Wil Wheaton as Deathlok.

That list is

Whither Dudley…

Willis's book will do that to you.

I pioneered this giving it away for free nonsense years ago except with sex instead of music. I hope Trent is far and away more successful than me.