I just think that you might not have been terrible before you knew that, but somehow learning that one fact made you worse than Hitler and Satan combined. You could have been a perfect human being, but learning about dude from Collective Soul's guitar irredeemably corrupted you.

Did people in the States get that fucking Tal Bachmann song? She's So High, or Aphrodite, or whatever that's called? Because that might actually be the worst hit song ever, although of course we're all neglecting fucking Train.

Well Dylan (I assume that's who you mean) (a) could write songs that actually were about stuff, when he felt like it, and (b) was really good at the songs that feel like they're almost about stuff but aren't quite. He had a gift for it. It's just that the Beatles took his songwriting and did their own twist on pretty…

I think you're forgetting a certain Damon Wayans role.

Plus, y'know, their first hit had "heaven let your light shine down" in the chorus, and they were kind of clean-cut and nice looking guys, and they played adult contemporary music.

How… is that even possible that you know that?

Me it's the "Woah". You can't have a chorus with the word "woah".

As someone who obsesses over lyrics, you're probably right. Especially about a huge percentage of popular songs post-Revolver.

The genuine skill thing makes them unlike KISS.

It's not irrational. It's an evil, evil song.

You are clearly absolutely correct about this.

City Boy Blues is acceptable at best, but the cover of Smokin' In the Boy's Room is actually kind of fun, and Home Sweet Home deserves a place of sorts in the power ballad hall of fame.

Isn't the "Turn your head now baby spit me out" talking about a blowjob? I mean, I had no idea until 45 seconds ago that that was the lyric, but what else could it be about?

Uh…. are either of those groups here?

While channel-surfing in China I came across some boy band doing a cover of Africa, but they were, y'know, Chinese, so "I saw the wain down in Afwica…" It was hilarious to me at 2 a.m. in some shitty hotel in Beijing.

In Blood Diamond at least the white men were African.

Fully. Clothed.

I haven't read that web page, but I'm pretty sure that Cheryl is a spirit damned to rot.

Well Ring of Fire doesn't actually require any real singing, and 16 Tons isn't much better, but Ol' Man River - christ, man, that's a challenge for people who know how to sing.

Oh, got it. Sorry for misunderstanding. What you actually meant is what you wrote, and it makes a lot more sense than my interpretation.