I'm a sucker for cheesy action punchlines:
"He was getting a little…nosy" cracked me up way more than it should've. On a related note, I really miss NTSF:SD:SUV::

Nothing pisses me off more than spending $60 and still being hungry. Give me a burrito for $6.50 any day of the week.

Laverne in Scrubs. Just what the fuck was that.

So I only watched 16 of the top 30 shows this year…guess I need to watch more TV!

Too bad he's going to die from Marfan syndrome before the election…

Herman Long - most errors committed with 1096, including a record 122 in 1889.

I'm a big fan of the Modern Love column

I'm just happy Owen didn't yell the N-word as he climaxed. That's my thing.

On a Nerdist episode Glenn Howerton straight up said that he thought Workaholics was hilarious and they would be the only crossover episode he would ever consider.

This episode had a really bizarre resonance with me. I just recently got into juicing (including broccoli smoothies) and even more recently I injured my right shoulder and got fucked because my insurance is a high-deductible plan. Goddamnit BB, you are the most human show on TV right now!

"Whenever I think of trains in Europe, I just imagine gypsies, gypping around everywhere."

How many kids' lives did we save today?

That looked like Stephen Tobolowsky sitting behind the desk!

But <=3 is definitely male.

But mostly A, E, I, O, and U does she hate you

I apologize for my absence this week. Todd the Vagrant was teaching me how to masturbate.

Ripping spoons off walls during open houses is a gateway to ripping kilos off the Chinese cartel

I apologize for my absence this week, I've been hired as head plastic surgeon in preparation for the Olympic opening ceremony in Brazil, which is, or course, where I am.

Doubt that he will include "Give it Away"

This looks hot! Hot like a CAT ON A HOT TIN ROOF!