I played the part of the commercial where he says "Call me 'Rock God'"
directly into an iPhone and she wanted to call him "Iraq Dad." Which is also a better band name than "Migraine Headaches."

Or the Guy From "Failure To Launch" Who Plays A Friend Of The Sexiest Man Alive (Former) Who Isn't The Sexiest Man Alive (Current).

My favorite part of all of this is how even as the article states that it's not the Toad the Wet Sprocket of which everyone is thinking, the embedded link in the name takes us to the AV Club page of the Toad the Wet Sprocket of which everyone is thinking.

"Google Goggles" are a great idea, but I will hold out for an Internet-enabled "Ask Jeeves Monocle."

So I'm guessing when Depp & Wright pitched the premise about "a Chicago newspaper reporter  who investigates mysterious crimes with supernatural origins," one of the execs chimed in and said "Could he be a blogger?" Then he got an obscene bonus for his "creativity" and called it a day.

The shitkicker-on-shitkicker crime line took top honors for me. "The Home of Shitkicker-On-Shitkicker Crime" could practically be the motto under the "Welcome to Harlan" sign.

DON'T WATCH THIS, PEOPLE! GENEVIEVE KOSKI IS TRYING TO TRICK US INTO LEARNING CHEMISTRY!

Haunted kitchens sounds really retarded.

I challenge every one in this comment section today to stand up abruptly and point at someone near you, shouting "You, sir, are no Yngwie Fucking Malmsteen!" You have no idea how empowering it is.

Then it's settled! We shall put down @PugsMalone:disqus so that the rest of us may continue to enjoy Christina Hendricks' existence.

I Am Even More Legendier: Welcome To Earf

When asked for comment, Brown's representative told Us, "I'd be surprised if Chris said something that stupid," and then smugly returned his monocle to his face where it would await its comical and inevitable fate the next time Brown opened his mouth.

It's pretty amazing that most people's memories of this movie have to do with ass-wiping shells and Taco Bell. And more amazing is the fact that they aren't even directly related.

In all fairness, Twitter doesn't allow him to say things like this with AutoTune, which would totally make it cool. It really loses something when it doesn't sound like a robot going through puberty, as Chris intended.

I was ridiculously excited when he contributed a few pages to Brubaker & Fraction's "Iron Fist" series a few years ago. The guy didn't diminish in quality with advanced age. It's incredible.

How I Met Your Mother Despite The Fact That I Couldn't Stop Schtupping Your Aunt Robin.

"With great powers comes great responsibility, knowwhatI'msayin' G-to-the-W-to-the-E-to-the-N, the dopest little shortie since I don't know when… ever."

A friend of mine decided that this would be his first Elmore Leonard novel, despite my telling him for years about the man. So he emailed me upset that Leonard "plagiarized the show" so heavily, which infuriates me since it becomes a "chicken or the egg" conversation. To put that discussion to rest, I found an article
…

Noel Murray drew the "Pull An 'Armond White'" wildcard this week.

I immediately go on Twitter when I get a good hand. I should probably stop that.