I'm sorry to say that Elizabeth Banks is one of those girls I consider objectively attractive and funny, but she does absolutely nothing for me. Maybe I'm crazy, but she's just sort of blonde-bland, in my opinion.

Yes, Seth Rogen is hilariously, hideously fat. I hear he's got, like, a 36-inch waist, and that he wears "loose cut" jeans!

I bought it a couple years ago, so that I could turn Family Movie Night into I'm Watching This Movie With My Family, But I'm Thinking About Sliding My Cock Between Jennifer Connelly's Ass Cheeks Night.

Incidentally, Mia Sara and Jennifer Connelly are starring in a movie together. It's called "Mia Sara and Jennifer Connelly Rub Their Pussies Together." Right now, it's only playing in my imagination, but I'm hoping for a larger release — when I get home.

I was only eight years old when "Labyrinth" was released, but I fell completely in love with Jennifer Connelly. "Labyrinth" tapes and cable broadcasts took up two hours' worth of most rainy summer days until I was thirteen, when "The Rocketeer" came out.

Hey, Bettie Page ain't dead yet, so I assume McCain having sex with her is included in that "two of the remaining three." Plus, she's an old Jesus-loving lunatic, so she's probably a McCain supporter.

For some weird reason, he's always been one of the highlights of the movie for me as well. He plays a much more convincing Hughes, at least superficially, than Leonardo DiCaprio, that's for sure.

Take back the city!
Who's with me? The single streaming above will be our rallying cry, our call to arms, the beat we march to!

Morrison wrote some interesting lyrics for a rock musician, okay. What I can't wrap my head around is that those lyrics have been the subject of college courses and serious scholarly books. Give me a break.

I always make fun of people I know who like the Doors' loose, noodly, sloppy musicianship (exceptions made for Ray Manzarek) and Morrison's high-school-notebook-caliber lyrics. "If they say I never loved you, you know they are a liar" — that's right, they are, collectively, one liar. (Also, poets and songwriters…

Let's see … I must be in a romantic-ballad sort of mood, because some of the recent favorites that come to mind are "Shooting Star" from "Oh Mercy"; "Moonlight" from "Love and Theft"; and his cover of "You Belong To Me" from the "Natural Born Killers" soundtrack.

Based on both of those quotes, I'm sold.

I've been in love with Bonnie Hunt since I was in my early teens. That said, I wasn't aware that she had a talk show, and I will probably never watch it. I'd make an effort to catch her on "Letterman," though — she's one of his best guests. Anyhow, I know it's weird as celebrity crushes go.

Switch Bitch
is the title of a book by Roald Dahl. Omarosa is obviously a fan of his short stories.

His production work on the debuts of Rufus Wainwright and Joanna Newsom was as important as anything else on those albums. He's one of the greats, for sure.

"Mysterious Ways" was the song that got me into U2 after a girl I secretly loved in high school said she liked it while our algebra teacher had the radio on during group-study time. I bought "Achtung Baby" the next day.

I can't believe anyone would prefer Sammy over Dave, even a contrarian playing devil's advocate.

"It's Too Late to Stop Now" is about all the Van Morrison I need. I like the occasional stray song that appears on a movie soundtrack (e.g, "Wonder Boys"), but he could retire from singing and I wouldn't give much of a fuck — mostly because he stopped giving a fuck a long time ago.

I can't listen to U2's "Sunday Bloody Sunday" the same way after having heard John Lennon's (and Yoko Ono's [credit where it's due]) "Sunday Bloody Sunday," which I wasn't even aware of until I heard it performed by the great Christy Moore. There's a time to be a plaintive peacemaker hammily bemoaning "broken bottles…

He has a full female reproductive system inside one of his acne scars.