Also, dude, technically you want to punch someone in the throat, not the neck, and then go for the face when they're standing there stunned and sputtering.

I wish, but I'd probably never leave home.

You should have just gone with "Injun." Or, if I were in charge of the paper, each time "Indian" was written, I would have clarified it with notes like "[the 'feather' kind — ed.]" or "[the 'dot' kind — ed.]."

Burton + Depp + "Dark Shadows" movie = awesome. I thought that was their next project together, but maybe it'll still happen someday.

All kidding and fetal positions aside, "rocking back and forth, hoping the music will take them back to the womb" is an accurate way of describing the sort of dancing that is committed at concerts like this, by which I mean concerts mostly attended by WASPy people. The worst dancing I've ever seen was at a Morphine…

I've got a friend, a musician himself, who has always worn earplugs to just about every concert I've attended with him. I used to laugh at the inevitable, dweeby moment he would reach into his pocket and pull out those plugs, but now I wish I'd done likewise, after too many times waking up the next day with a ringing…

Reissued albums
Hey, anybody heard the remastered reissues of "Isn't Anything" or "Loveless"? I remember reading that they were supposed to be released in the UK this past June, but maybe the shelf date was pushed back.

Well, I did leave out the gang rapes in the old bus garage and down by the dark lake.

I dunno. There's a sentimental streak to Ebert's humanism, and it was at the heart of his defense of "The Passion of the Christ," to cite one example. Kurt Vonnegut was the same way, and he advocated intelligent design in a Rolling Stone interview toward the end of his life

I read a lot about the movie's supposed lack of bias, and it put me off for completely different reasons. Remember when "The Reagans," with James Brolin as Ronald, was made (for TV) a few years ago, and there was all kinds of hype about it being a malicious attack, and then it turned out to be toothlessly…

I'm not a Smashing Pumpkins fan, but I remember listening to "1979" while hanging out with my friends in one of the school's old bus garages, working on homecoming floats, and feeling that overwhelming ache of autumnal nostalgia (and feeling a little like a chump, since that's such an on-the-nose effect of that…

Mary Tyler Moore looks like an ice mummy. She needs to stop trying to be a girl and accept the fact that she's an old woman.

I just watched "Lake Placid" for the first time a couple weeks ago, and Betty White was by far the best thing about it. "If I had a dick, this is where I'd tell you to suck it." "Thank you, Officer Fuckmeat." "You're all cocksuckers!" And so on. Deserved some kind of award.

Terrific song. Townes wrote a lot of great songs that deserve to be on the list.

My late two cents
Ah, staying late after school to build homecoming floats with a girl you have a crush on (assuming, of course, that you're not at football practice).

Here's a test: Define love. If you don't short-circuit and explode, you're human, apparently.

A statewide initiative to get "America's wang" printed on Florida license plates doesn't sound too farfetched to me.

I assumed so, based purely on your being well-traveled and your use of proper punctuation, spelling, and grammar. If the internet is one big global community, it's one that's full of hicks, unfortunately, regardless of their geographical location.

So … are you hot, or what?

That was you, bee man? So you're the one who kept blocking my view last night. I was tempted to tap you on the shoulder, but I didn't want another "Ebert at Toronto" incident.