There is an air of desperation plangent in these announcements. One wonders if the self-inflicted wounds we are witnessing will prove fatal.

(Looks at picture, shrieks, faints)

(Shudders, takes ampoule containing tincture of arnica.)

Your reasoning, sir, is at least not elusive.

None of these shows matches the comedic splendour of 'Will-o-the-Wisp', which is equally absurd, but far more creative. Seek it out, I urge you.

Only the British Lady can fully appreciate how awfully, utterly tedious cricket truly is. At times I look to the Americas and their spirited sports wistfully…

Even from my distant remove, I have already tired of the 'Home Improvement' production. Given the difficulty of aligning aparatus to intercept electronic ether waves travelling backwards through time, why waste such effort on a presentation of such determined mediocrity? Especially when there are so many delightful…

And who was Warren Perso in his infancy then?

I am utterly flabbergasted that you, humble rovers and lambs, are so entirely engaged by those who share with me a common heritage.

Oh, surely not.

Young lady: I fear you do not understand that your words might be misconstrued as referring to your fundament! Certainly the phrase above was must have been innocent, as no woman of solid character would admit so tawdry an indiscretion, and so I must warn you that your words might serve to erode your reputation as a…

Though only a woman and therefore lacking in the higher orders of intellect required to grapple with the delicate matters so far broached in this discussion, I can restrain myself no longer… a trait sadly common amongst those of my gender. Regarding a powerfully muscled beast of myth who bears the undeniably male…

May I suggest, since rationality is apparently not a criterion, that the 'invaders' be American Indians? The role-reversal would give wide opportunity for unsettling self-examination throughout the Americas, which I can attest as a citizen of the British Empire is wholly worthwhile. And if anyone has a better claim…

The actors appear confounded as to which expression is appropriate to their situation. Emotionless automatons have no such difficulty.

I am confused. Would not the Chinese be proud to have conquered America? How would such a monumental accomplishment be viewed as an insult?

The distinction, as I see it, is that Mr. G.'s comments are merely observational, and though thoughtless are essentially forgivable. Mr. S. by contrast seems to consider the terrible deaths of countless innocents as somehow justified by historical incident, and is therefore revealed to be a half-bright exemplar of…

And are we then to assume the "dead people" have no families or friends, who might also be inclined to care? Perhaps better to take the misstep of Mr. G as an example, and make an attempt to conduct ourselves with slightly more consideration?

May I suggest the adoption of an ethical and enlightened monarch surrounded by a score of brilliant advisors? I find this is a very efficient form of government.

A good day to you, Mr. Airbag.

For goodness sake, stop waving your firearms about! The Empire no longer covets your land and the 'Tyrant King' is long dead.