Dear God, how can you simply stand there sharing inanities when the poor girl's very life bleeds out onto the cobblestones? Summon a physician at once! Where is the good Dr. Whom now that he is needed?

I would not be surprised in the least to learn that both of those deplorable degenerates found the opportunity to bathe in blood, but it was the Lady Bathory who achieved fame for this atrocity most particularly. But why would these wretches proclaim the heritage of such a monstrous bloodline? Far more proper to…

Regarding which, could anyone present offer an informed opinion on how best to remove coal dust from the joins along the edge an electrified brass-bound wash-basin?

You are much too kind! Sadly, the components I have arduously assembled for the troublesome task of piercing the temporal ether are barely adequate for my requirements. My computising multi-articulated piston drive often becomes over-heated or misaligned, requiring that I remove the bearings and rotate the…

Suddenly I feel positively contemporary!

As an adjunct to those properties, it also serves to offend the sensibilities of anachronistic, properly modest young women.

Good lord, the poor girl intends to garb herself so? Why, the garment clings like a lithesome second skin, gleaming over the delicate flesh beneath in an admitedly decorous but totally unladylike fashion! Scandalous! Just because one has the misfortune to be named for the fox does not then require that they behave…

Diabolus Le Volt?

Strike it about the head with your dandy-stick, good sir.

Why, I have long harboured the barest outline of a work of fabulist fiction. It concerns a charlatan who sells items of questionable virtue to a trusting public- Vibrating Girth Reducers, Electrical Vigor Inducers and suchlike. He is approached by a mysterious becloaked gentleman who offers to supply him with goods…

The poor fellow appears to have outwitted himself, if such a thing were possible.

May I recommend you seek the opinion of a reputable physician? Though indelicately phrased, your complaint could be quite serious.

I am told that the forests are quite lovely. And did the Michigan militias survive the War of 1812? I understood that they suffered a terrible massacre at the hands, or hatchets rather, of hostile Indians.

One must assume that it is only very young children- those perhaps of limited wit and education- who would be so amused as to persist interminably with such nonsense. Might their parents be contacted and apprised of their embarrassingly trivial conduct?

I question any plan, be it divinely inspired or no, which requires that young children take up arms against a horde of towering demi-beasts. One wonders if the aforementioned allegorical lion was quite clear in his thinking.

God is the stern rebuke of an uncaring universe for the pride of man.

Perhaps it could be staged in 'modern' times, with the horrid imps conversing over electrical-mail? Perhaps one has been sent to stir disorder in the Balkans (which I can only assume remain hopelessly fraught with brutish conduct) while the other consigned to a dreary outpost on the Steppes? Shall their friendship…

To tour Heaven from Hell? Surely a metaphor for soldiers returning from the front, while doomed to soon return?

I understand the celebrated Ringling Bros. circus boasted a 'Squirrel Girl' as an attraction, but I doubt this is the same person as that you describe. Based on the description, the poor anaemic hirsute dwarf would not be likely to win any fights at all.

Dear Mr. Guy, it is so kind of you to express your concern! A tonic of lithium taken daily combined with a stern regimen of perambulation around the Thames have somewhat improved my nerves. And yes, I did enjoy a short visit at a lady's clinic for healthful invigoration on a most charming island in the…