Simultaneous with the sequel: 'Still Immobilized And Riven With Regret- The Continuing Static Adventures of F.B.'

Oh… do excuse me Lady phel, I do hate to trouble you, especially when you are cradling that firearm in such a disturbing manner, but my husband will soon begin to wonder where I am, and I find that your door is now completely impassible. Ah… perhaps there is another exit I might make use of?

(Claps along, laughing gayly)

Unimaginative sequals of this wretched sort continue to see their genesis, and yet my quite creative suggestion of a lovely ingenue in the late nineteenth century who is forced to marry a high-born lout from Devonshire and is subsequently able to communicate her displeasure with peoples of future times by tapping out…

I shall attempt one!
'As a whole there is a continuity of not overabundant sanguinity.'

Ah… hm.

But… but my maid assures me that she enjoys her work immensely!

Ha! Ha! Quite delightful, Mr. Hoodwink! You have taught us all that humour need not be riddled with salacious invocations and the language of the bordello. Well done.

These responses are by turns farcial and disturbingly gothic.

Who is this 'Left' the anonymous gentleman above refers to? I understood the opinion was made by Mr. M. Oh wait! Is this one of those 'trolls' of whom I have heard such a great deal? Let me just fetch my reading glasses…
There! Now let me see… he does not offer his name… makes statements no one else has and then…

Well, who in the world has not had a mullet at some point? Quite delicious, especially braised with diced tomatoes and peppercorns.

Great ghost of King Edward, not again! This time upon the Pembroke table and all down the side of the plaster fixtures!

Dear Mr Jerusalem! Please accept my suggestion of the 'sparkling vampire' phenomenon as worthy of your near-legendary journalistic ire. Show the luminous undead blighters no mercy, sir!

My gardener is growing the most remarkable philtrum just beside the greenhouse, you all must come and see it. The colours are quite astonishing!

Good lord! With his new coiffure, I can now clearly discern that this Mr. W. is a man! Wait… now I am uncertain… no, no, he does in fact appear to be of a male persuasion, at least incrementally. Well! Now a great deal of what I have heard of the gentleman makes considerably more sense.

Oh dear… um… ha! Ha! Ha!

Ill-met, yes. But it is day, and quite sunny.

Ha! Ha! They are not in earnest, everyone. The two gentlemen merely jest, I assure you. The party is not imperiled, and there is no reason to be discomfited. Come, more drinks over here, and can we have a musical interlude, for all love? Mr. Drinky, I understand you are known to enjoy the treasures of the grape.…

Heavens, no! Not on the Kidderminster! It provided coherence for the entire chamber! Someone fetch the maid, and instruct her to bring the bottle of Lever's Premiere Glyceride and a pail of water. We must act at once, before the invader becomes entrenched!

Lying is such a strong word, Mr. Placeholder, and one that a man of your clear breeding and education might better replace with a tactful alternative. Why not simply say that he is wrong in every particular, except insofar that Canada is in fact a country that does in fact elect regional representatives? There! Now…