An entire planet? You jest sir, I trust? Why, even in one's wildest imagination, that would take a weapon of enormous size- perhaps equal in dimension to the moon! These creatures you described cannot be so well armed as that, surely?

Perhaps a re-creation is in the offing for the celebrated Mr. S's Saint Joan, but instead adapted by the confounding Mr. J.. Can you imagine? By the by, Mr. Ikeaboy. What is the subject of this production, 'The Thing'? It sounds positively scandalous!

Great God! All of the other contributors to this electro-automated culture publication have taken a decided and swift turn towards the German! What tragedy! Has the long-threatened invasion of the beastly Bismarck at last come to pass? Are we all to soon be consigned to the sad fate as a province in that…

Hear hear, sir! Tell the bounders what's what! Could all the stars in the celestial expanse equal the number of honest, well-born young girls who hunt assiduously for the gentleman, a beast rare to the point of mythology?

My head striking the floor has, as it often does, restored my wits entirely, sir. Kindly keep your hands, and whatever other extremities whose use you had intended, completely to yourself.

Dear Mr. Fired,

Heathcliff? I do not know the genterman… that is, the gesserman… why, what has happed to my diction, which is typically above reproash? Perhaps the complaint of Lady Q. is contagious, and even now worksh upon my fragile female frame? Hold, while I gather, for the merest moment, my witsh… gentleman! I do not know…

A vile slander, sir. In this very periodical I have spoken of the remarkable gentlemen to whom you refer in highly positive turns. A woman's reputation is among her most precious possessions, along with her humility, her reserve and above all, her patience. But this last I find sorely lacking when confronted with…

Poor my dear, your throat is parched! How thoughless of us all, to simply ramble away about trifles when you, suffering so as to abandon that silent decorum which is the proper burden of all women of background? Here, sit yourself upon this caquetoire while I summon one of my wretchedly idle servants with a…

By 'Jew comments' I take it you mean comments by citizens of Jewish ancestry? Similar to 'British comments', 'American comments' or, in the case of several of the above, 'Idiot comments'?

Universal health care is required? Oh dear. Has every person in America become ill?

Namely the wha-?

A thousand thanks for your gallantry, good sir. But whoever allowed, by dint of poor vigilance or perhaps confounded into stupour by the demon drink, these churlish fellows into our salon? At least now the prospect reveals itself of a display of stern correction, for the constables have already been summoned to meet…

I believe I am quite happy with my tinfoil-sheet phonograph, a marvellous work of, it must be granted, American ingenuity, one of the first produced by that clever little Mr. E.. The sound continues to be audible with only a small ear-trumpet, and since we had my husband's hounds moved to the country estate for the…

This periodical does not seem to especially promote the above-mentioned group of troubadors, any more than you, sir, espouse the use of 'windows'.

Is Jack Knight your real name, sir? If not, and is merely a pseudonym, then do you not likewise assume a friendship among those present which is not necessarily reciprocated?

Simply walk along the Thames embankment after nightfall, and you shall soon discover, to your cost, what a footpad is.

I assure you I hold the Children of Abraham in high regard, and do protest most vehemently the merest suggestion otherwise, for if the remarkable Mr. D is fit to be Prime Minister of our great realm, and thus the loyal servant of the crown, why then who am I, a mere woman, to speak against his people? No, like all…

Only this once? Alas.

I suppose they might wait outside their enemies' homes in the dead of night, armed with rapier and pistol, to fall upon them when they should return along dimly-lit, fog-shrouded streets. Both such weapons, though an expense, are well within the means of common footpads, much less theatre producers.