I tell you the truth…..not bad!

I tell you the truth, those with shitty taste will not see the Kingdom of Havasu. You shouldn't have to hear the same Red State butt rock or Maroon 5 in Havasu that you heard every shitty, flesh rippingly cold morning on the way to whatever ass picking job you toiled away at in life. That's not how we roll up here, so…

I tell you the truth, that sounds kinda chill. I bet a Professor Of Symbology has probably got some mellow ass wines, like the kind with wicker wrapped around the bottle and shit. You know, just some chill ass 70's shit, where a chick you were trying to bang would come over, kick off her Earth Shoes, and mellow out…

Also in Looney Tunes, da Taz!

I tell you the truth, nothing good will come of this.

I tell you the truth, if you're going to make a big budget movie about some arbitrary ass plastic blocks, you may as well make one about these sandals I'm wearing. They have bottle openers for one, and have kicked the Devil's ballsack. Both of them. Plus I let Jack Nicholson borrow them last summer (motherfucker wore…

[reverts back to gimmick]
Peace be with you and shit.

Hi, I'm neither a Bro nor Jesus, but I post as one because I crack myself up with it and hope other people can at least get a smile from it too. I used to post here sort of regularly as B. Scotch, but I just go with Bro Jesus now. I'm a dude in Omaha who just turned 32 today. Welcome!

I tell you the truth, she's an easy lover. She'll get a hold on you, believe it!

Friend, I ask you in faith and kindness, please do not rush to judgement and shit. The man in the effigy is simply trying to help these women with their fucked up hammock while high off his ass.

I tell you the truth, I can fart this song. Sometimes the power of Christ really does compel you, brah.

I tell you there the truth, there is nothing new under the sun. But there is always something supremely fucked up to be found on the Internet. I say this as a man who has spent a late night with too much water (wine) and the List Of Unusual Deaths on Wikipedia.

Look at the sand and see the two sets of footprints, for I have always walked beside you. Where you see but one set of footprints, that is where I carried you (you were really fucked up, son). And where you see an assprint in the sand and some footprints going off in another direction, that is where I set you down for…

I tell you the truth, as a Man Who Knows His Sandals, these aren't that fucked up. You wanna see some wack ass sandals, head to Bonnaroo. It's the Old Country Buffet of fucked up footwear, whatever that means. I just made that shit up. Fuckin' Sour Diesel, man.

WHOA-AW-Ohhhhhhhh
I saw a Spanish guy doing the Bartman.

I tell you the truth, I cannot pronounce the word  "Brobdingnagian". To me it sounds like the word "bro" followed by the beginning of a reggae song.

I tell you the truth, Maroon 5 is worse. But fret not, theirs is a road that begins with successful stadium shows but eventually becomes an endless stream of Six Flags shows, followed by state fairs, and ending at a bottomless chasm of endless torture.

I tell you the truth, friend. When I said "There is nothing new under the sun", I was referring to Nickelback. What a derivative gaggle of assholes. And as far as Creed, I pretty much treat them like I do all Christian music. It's kinda like when a little believer draws you a picture - the sun is purple with a smiley…

I tell you the truth, it would be swell to see some Quincy, M.E. reviews and perhaps a little something for the little loved, largely forgotten Swingtown. And so it was.

Could you be more specific?