I tell you the truth, it is better to get stoned in private, lest some cockhat at Gamestop or Arby's or wherever fuck up your vibe. Unless, of course you're going to the movies, then it's all boss on the cross! You may smell like weed though, and get all paranoid that people know you're high. It's never a big deal,…

Thanks, Diarrhea Dump! Although there is no diarrhea in the Kingdom of Havasu (it's one of the main perks - sketchy 1:30 AM gyro or Taco Bell when you're shitfaced? No problem!), an exception can be made for clutch bros.

I tell you the truth, God damn I miss Stryper. Those guys knew what the fuck was up!

I tell you the truth, this more aptly describes Amanda Palmer.

It is not for us to question the Father's ways, for his ways are not as our ways. But let us question Ke$ha's ways, for they are as shit's ways.

My flock need not worry about hunger. Rejoice in knowing that your father, who art in Havasu, has time to look at sparrows and other shit, so he's got the food shit covered. Hell, if you guys are hungry, I could swing out that way in the Rubicon and multiply a Blazin' Hot wing from Buffalo Wild Wings. Seriously, I…

Hark! That must have been one of those really hot ones.

I tell you the truth, I liked this for [BEEFS}.

I tell you the truth, this is alright but let me divert your attention to My Father's Word. Particularly, a little chapter called Song Of Songs. Or as me and my crew in Havasu call it - Song Of Dongz.

I tell you the truth, give unto God your praise and devotion and he will smile upon you. Give unto Swayze that which is needed to get radical, except for shirts and babies in corners. Swayze has not any use for shit such as that. But render unto him in truth and goodwill, and he will grant you entry to the most…

Render unto Swayze the shit that is Swayze's, and render unto God the shit that is God's.

I tell you the truth, between Williamsburg and these Duck Philistines there are many among the flock who are fucking up the beard for me. It's making me angry, and you wouldn't like me when I'm angry. Without the beard, there isn't much to my image besides these robes from Structure, and yes, there is a Structure in…

I tell you the truth, it would be better to be cast into the sea with a millstone tied round your neck than to be Adam Levine. I'm not even thinking about kidding. I've seen the Devil's dick, bro. Not gonna end well for that dude, real talk. Abba, Father.

Bro, I tell you the truth, in Tel Aviv this fucking guy came up to me all "You and your followers covet the Jeep Rubicon! Who among you can be called righteous?", and I straight up told him "Not fucking you!" and it had nothing to do with his wack as fuck sandals. I made it known that I am the son of The Lord, and my…

Father, have your children not learned a fucking thing?

I tell you the truth, Chris Brown fucking sucks. Very un-clutch bro.

I tell you the truth, if they have nowhere else to go let the little children come to me, for the kingdom of Havasu belongs to such as these.

Once, in the markets in Jerusalem, a man came before me with an offering of this sot-weed. There were several nugs in a small alabaster jar. He begged me to heal his mother of blindness which I did, sight unseen, because that shit's kind of my thing. The sot-weed nugs had very nice hairs and crystals. They were truly…

Lo, I died upon the Bowflex last year. I've been just kind of hanging around my Father's place in Havasu since then.

And so it was that my disciples and I wandered into Galilos Angeles to spread the good news and teachings before the multitudes gathered at Boulevard3, for it was told that these bros were among the most clutch. One among them, a woman called Taylor Swift, cried out "Surely you cannot be the Christ, for it is I who is…