Why do you need bitcoin? I have no problem giving Amazon my credit card number.

What destroyed the record companies wasn't selling music online, it was sitting around with their thumbs in their asses saying things like "what are we going to do about this piracy problem?" and "no one will bhuy mp3s!" and "the crank on the front of my car broke, now how can I get my tyres re-vulcanized?"

This is a ridiculous notion. I am never going to subscribe to HBO. It's just not going to happen. I don't care if they televise a live oil-wrestling match between Angelina Jolie and Megan Fox. If HBO wants me to pay for their programming, they can either offer it to me the way I want to buy it or they can't have my…

Is that Barack Obama laughing at the fat kid who turned into a snail?

I heard him on Carolla and thought the same.

George Harrison killed himself with cigarettes.