"I will strongly question the proper maturation of a middle-aged man who makes tween dramadies for a living."

"I will strongly question the proper maturation of a middle-aged man who makes tween dramadies for a living."

Strangely enough, just this morning a coworker sent me this link to the rules for the Little Drummer Boy Game:

Strangely enough, just this morning a coworker sent me this link to the rules for the Little Drummer Boy Game:

When I was a teenage lard-ass, I used to toast two blueberry Pop Tarts, slather the unfrosted side of one with peanut butter and slap the two together to make a sandwich. I haven't done that in close to 20 years, but god damn could I go for one of those right now.

When I was a teenage lard-ass, I used to toast two blueberry Pop Tarts, slather the unfrosted side of one with peanut butter and slap the two together to make a sandwich. I haven't done that in close to 20 years, but god damn could I go for one of those right now.

We've got a cat who goes crazy for fruits and vegetables (especially watermelon – whenever I'm cutting one up he climbs my leg and cries like he's being murdered) and LOVES salsa. We don't let him eat too much of that (because he's an indoor cat and someone's got to clean the litterbox) but man, you gotta watch out if…

We've got a cat who goes crazy for fruits and vegetables (especially watermelon – whenever I'm cutting one up he climbs my leg and cries like he's being murdered) and LOVES salsa. We don't let him eat too much of that (because he's an indoor cat and someone's got to clean the litterbox) but man, you gotta watch out if…

I'm not a big Oreo eater, but my wife recently bought a festive holiday pack of President's Choice Candy Cane Oreo knock-offs that I've been having a hard time not eating. There are little crunchy bits of candy cane in the cream!

I'm not a big Oreo eater, but my wife recently bought a festive holiday pack of President's Choice Candy Cane Oreo knock-offs that I've been having a hard time not eating. There are little crunchy bits of candy cane in the cream!

I know you're Canadian because you called it by its correct name.

I know you're Canadian because you called it by its correct name.

That's camping food right there. It's great because you can skip the butter and milk or any other perishables and eat it straight from the pot.

That's camping food right there. It's great because you can skip the butter and milk or any other perishables and eat it straight from the pot.

I think that Kraft powder is still available in Canada – it was a staple in my house growing up, to be added to scrambled eggs and popcorn – and I was recently tempted to pick some up but knew my wife would kill me.

I think that Kraft powder is still available in Canada – it was a staple in my house growing up, to be added to scrambled eggs and popcorn – and I was recently tempted to pick some up but knew my wife would kill me.

Grocery store frozen chicken strips for me, dipped in either ketchup or plum sauce.
The only time I eat them these days is when I'm sick, but I always keep a box in the freezer just in case.

Grocery store frozen chicken strips for me, dipped in either ketchup or plum sauce.
The only time I eat them these days is when I'm sick, but I always keep a box in the freezer just in case.

I used to eat a shitload of McDonalds in my late teens (when I finally had spending money and the wherewithal to get to a McD's whenever I wanted to) but I can't remember the last time I ate there (or had any fast food, really).

I used to eat a shitload of McDonalds in my late teens (when I finally had spending money and the wherewithal to get to a McD's whenever I wanted to) but I can't remember the last time I ate there (or had any fast food, really).