Impudence?  I laughed out loud.

I have to say, living in a world where I can see naked people just about any time I want on my computer, I don't necessarily want to see naked people on my TV.  Sure, sometimes a nipple or two can spice things up, but if I wanted total nudity, I wouldn't reach for my remote.

I have to say, living in a world where I can see naked people just about any time I want on my computer, I don't necessarily want to see naked people on my TV.  Sure, sometimes a nipple or two can spice things up, but if I wanted total nudity, I wouldn't reach for my remote.

Let's not tell them.  It would only break their hearts.

Let's not tell them.  It would only break their hearts.

Ladies get boners too!  I'm told.  I went to a private Christian school.

Ladies get boners too!  I'm told.  I went to a private Christian school.

HA HA!  Not to scale.

HA HA!  Not to scale.

Damn it all!

Damn it all!

To top the charts, a record has to sell more than any other record on a given week.  An album that charts at number two for several weeks can easily sell more units over the course of a year than an album that charts at number one for only one week.

To top the charts, a record has to sell more than any other record on a given week.  An album that charts at number two for several weeks can easily sell more units over the course of a year than an album that charts at number one for only one week.

Really, the two of them should model all of their campaign appearances on the Donny and Marie Show.  It couldn't hurt, at this point.

Really, the two of them should model all of their campaign appearances on the Donny and Marie Show.  It couldn't hurt, at this point.

Nation's Fastest Internet.  Don't know who's selling it, don't really care.

Nation's Fastest Internet.  Don't know who's selling it, don't really care.

If they'd read the HEADLINE, they would know that.

If they'd read the HEADLINE, they would know that.

I couldn't finish this.  The word "mallpisode" rings in my ears like a diseased fire bell in the fetid night.  Can we please have a moratorium on portmanteaus?