The only decent script I have keeps the stabbies away.

Bruce Willis was once in Liv Tyler, and she's pretty great. So there's that.

He said "jump" a LOT.

I get off on- vomiting my lungs out
I get off on- diarrhea
Like the way it hits me
Every time I shits me
I got some diarrhe
I got some diarrhea

Don't call me Boy, Danny.

The world would be a better place if Clapton had been on that helicopter instead of Stevie Ray Vaughn. It's not that I wish death of Clapton, but if one of them had to go…

That's not what your girlfriend said…

The aspect of Tiger's story I like the most is how it is apparently socially acceptable to joke about domestic violence, as long as the woman is beating the man. Ha Ha.

Ingrid: Are you Megan Fox?

It's Raining Men(ses)!

Al Bundy: "choco cake, choco cake, eat so much get a tummy ache!"

Scary Spice: FUCK THE FUCK YEAH.

my monocle!

Congressional Dems, actually

Democrats
I am disappoint.

I always assumed that everybody on this site is a hipster. Is that not right?

Won't that ruin the pot?

She does have a giant mouth.

I actually appreciated that Dan would own up to bad advice. And now the thought of Halle Berry pleasuring herself with her Oscar statue is stuck in my head. Thanks Dan!

Two shooters in Dealey Plaza. Where you been man?