Eric, if you expect us to take that seriously, you have to include the phrase "WAKE UP, SHEEPLE!!!" Please us all caps as well.

I should call someone…

anyaroses, you forgot BENGHAZI!!!!!!!!111oneone!!11

An asshole with balls.

You're losing your edge.

Stove Top: the Stuffening

Panda porn.

That's where I learned about how the "helicopter" impressed the ladies.

Sci-fi was replaced with WWE. God, I'm so glad I dumped cable.

Some febreez and an explaination that it's a Jackson Pollock design and you're golden(brown)

Hang around and find out. At least till after christmas

"can I have the number to your service to make sure I never accidentally call it?"

Whatever. As long as she's charging for handy-js and charges double for 'going greek' it's still a professional exchange.

Does he have an 'H' on his forehead?

Give' em a break. Miley Cyrus was still twerking or whatever the hell kids are doing these days.

If she loses this job, she'll have to fall back on her physics degree from Cal Tech!

I thought her punishment was that she had to fuck Rob Schnieder.

Don't forget lorry, guv'na.

It's time has come!

Bring your own, bitch.