I took a date to an R rated movie. When we bought the tickets, I said "One adult and one adulteress."

They've recently found human DNA in hot dogs. (Only about 2% of hot dogs though)

"Where wolf?"

Did they ever catch that escaped mental patient? You know, the one with a hook in place of his hand?

"I'm afraid I can't do that, Bob."

They wouldn't know you're dead. They'd think you're playing possum.

You'll need lube. Lots of lube.

Paul Rubens!

Just don't put it in a bag of peanuts. If you did that, you'd be fucking nuts.

Chuck Norris talks about Fight Club.

Tie…….

"Dung eating fool!"

I just got that.

"I never met an ape I didn't like."

Damning with faint praise…

If she doesn't have the ponytail on the side of her head, she's just not Jem.

Ha! That's what they wanted you to think!

"A good riposte, that."

Didn't they actually fold it, not just bend it?

Will Rogers never met you, did he.