::star wipe::
Hi guys. This is Flash, and I'm here to tell you about some ELECTRIFYING new flavors of Slurpee available at your local 7-eleven convenience store!

Superman: I'll save you, young lady! But first, I need to fuel up on some delicious Go-Go Taquitos, a Quarter-Poind Big-Bite Hot Dog, and a classic Big Gulp (now available at the classic PRICE of 99 cents!).

"Chris Brown's Personal Copy Editor" would be one spot above "YouTube Comment-Section Proofreader" on the list of worst editing/writing gigs of all time.

I concur. Especially because Chris Brown is so clearly a big fan of punching things. This way, he'd get his punching fix and we'd get our "Chris Brown gets injured" fix at the same time. Everybody wins (except, of course, whatever remained of Aaliyah's human dignity, which has already lost.)  

Eakin even drops a  grammatically incorrect and vaguely motivational quote at the end of the Newswire, writing, "a guy who looks suspicious like Drake even pops up."

Muppets 2: Things to do with Muppets when They're Dead

Yum!

I read this as: "Morton Downy Jr.," which I'm pretty darn glad turned out to be a mistake.

Thanks. I meant to ask you about this a lot earlier, but I kept forgetting.

We grade on a curve now?

This is when we all say, "Well, you're a dick!", right?

Uh huh.

Great work, kid.

Subjectively, I think Kanye sucks and has no talent. I don't see any objective evidence indicating that any other case might be true. I can understand if someone else has a different subjective reaction to his music. That's perfectly fine— everyone gets to like what they want to like. But I just don't see it when it…

Are we positive that Thomas Jefferson really said that? There are a lot of fake Jefferson quotes floating around these days. You see them on Tea Party bumper stickers, mostly, and they mostly use that kind of funny parallelism like, "A government big enough to give you everything you want, is a government big enough…

You losers should try not hating people. It's pretty great.

edit- responded to the wrong post

I think it's pretty obvious where this is going, right boys?

And if your childhood was scarred because you had to wear a used blazer at one point then you had a pretty sheltered childhood.

This article sounds like a guy who walks into a bar with his kid and gets pissed because it's loud.