Nurse, I spy gypsies - run!

Lifetime combines my love of Delta Burke, my hatred of men, and my ability to eat 5 pounds of cheesecake in one sitting all into one wonderful package. Thanks, women's programming!

dull, flyaway pubes are no way to go through life.

You're a whore if you sleep with the guy once and he gives you something. You sleep with him a bunch of times and he gives you stuff, it's a "relationship".

They could have little competitions where the girls line up in a stream bed and pan for gold. Whoever finds the most wins a romantic one-on-one date with Toothless Pete the Grizzled Prospector.

I like how you lose enthusiasm for 'boy without a winkle!' after the 2nd time around.

I am a demon god of conquest!

Renaissance faires
If eating greasy turkey legs, drinking panther piss ale, and tacking E's onto words to make them look "old-timey" is wrong, I don't want to be right.

clean that up before somebody slips in it.

Bunny Ranch's "Take Your Child to Work Day"?